There are many signs you are in a narcissistic relationship, but today we will address 5 simple signs. If you are concerned you may be dating or even married to a narcissist, this may help clear up that concern. First off, we need to define what a narcissist is. A narcissist is a person who has an excessive interest in themself. To clarify further, they put themselves first before others, believing they are more important than the other. Here are a few signs to help you know if you are in a relationship with a narcissist.
1.) The Relationship Feels Off
Any relationship can feel a little off for any number of reasons, but if you feel you may be the one putting in the majority of the effort into the relationship, this may be a sign you are involved with a narcissist. If you find your partner continuing to take without giving back to you, that means your relationship is not in balance. In our experience, we find the person not putting in enough effort to create a balanced relationship tends to not care about the relationship as much. In other words, the narcissistic partner cares more about themselves and what may benefit them from the relationship more than you. However, this is likely the case in more extreme circumstances. For example, you and your partner live two hours away from each other and you find yourself driving to them 90% of the time while also paying for dinner and entertainment 90% of the time.
2.) Your Family and Friends are Warning You
Having an outside perspective can be helpful in understanding if you are in a narcissistic relationship. Being in a relationship can blind you from the negativity, because you are just too close to see it. If you have family and friends who truly care for you, they will notice. Simply put, if your family and friends are telling you that you may be in a toxic relationship, then you should take that opinion into strong consideration. It may be wise to sit down and discuss this perspective. If you find yourself justifying the toxic or narcissistic behavior, that is a major sign! It may be emotionally difficult (trust me, I know!), but well worth it in the end if the relationship is causing depression or anxiety.
3.) You Have to be Someone Else
This is a HUGE sign you are involved with a narcissist. Being able to be who you truly are is one of the best ways to know you are in a healthy relationship. A narcissist will tell you that you need to change, but they may not be that direct. You can find yourself wondering who you have become. Where did my happy self go? How come I don’t enjoy old hobbies or friends? Narcissists use subtle body language and negative hints to tell you that you are not good enough. For example, I started modeling for a small local car magazine for free. At first, my ex-boyfriend was supportive because it was nice cars and nice dresses (no nudity or bikini shots), then it turned into demands not to model unless I was paid. Eventually, that turned into not being allowed to model at all. He needed the control (narcissistic trait) and I wasn’t allowed to do something that I loved.
4.) You Have Completely Changed
Narcissists are great at making their partner feel unworthy. As a kind-hearted person, you want to make your partner happy, so you start taking their advice. Next thing you know, you are a completely changed person. You literally can look at yourself in the mirror one day and wonder who you are. Physically you may look different, or you may notice you haven’t talked to your family in while, even though you were very close to them. Try to keep track of all of these changes. It will help you understand what kind of a relationship you are in quicker, so you can get out faster.
5.) You Secretly Record Conversations
Many clients come into Love Your Life Hypnosis and talk about feeling the need to secretly record their conversations with their partner. This is a SERIOUS sign. If you are recording your conversations, so you can see if you are the issue….Here’s some good news, you aren’t the Narcissist! On the other hand, you probably feel guilty, like you are the reason you are feeling depressed. In the initial moment of this idea, you feel there is something wrong with you. You feel like you want to improve to make you both happier, and the way to do that is to record the conversation. Please do this! You may be surprised when you listen to that recording later, that you find the problem isn’t you. You start to hear what they are saying and start to see how toxic they are.
In the End…
Every relationship is different. If you feel a little off about your relationship, this does not necessarily mean you are involved with a narcissist. It can mean that you simply have something to communicate through with your partner, but if that “off” feeling is lingering and you still feel this way after you communicate your feelings, you may be dealing with a narcissist. You especially know you are dealing with a narcissist if you are to blame for all of the relationship’s issues. In other words, the small concerns you raise are turned into something that is your fault, instead of being a discussion. It is normal to adjust to your partner’s needs, but it is not normal to completely change yourself for your partner. Theses signs can be difficult to see. It helps to reach out to close friends and family to get their perspective.
We hope this helps you get out of a narcissistic relationship, or atleast helps you clarify your feelings about it. Please stay tuned for our next blog post; explaining first hand experience in a narcissistic relationship and the journey out of it. As always, please contact us if you have questions.